The ‘Blow Me’ Birthday Hat

So on Thursday I turned the big 2-9. This is crazy to me. I can’t believe how close I am to 30. It seriously feels like just last year I was 20!

Actually, I can remember my 20th birthday so vividly, I am going to tell you the story.

For my birthday that year, my best friend Lisa planned a big night out for me at a bar in Peterborough (for you Ontarians, and if you are not from Ontario, please note the legal drinking age in Canada is 19, so we were all well and legal).

I used to absolutely LOVE the bars in Peterborough, as it was a huge university town, the bars were always rammed, and it was always such a great (and random) time. Some of the best nights of my life were in Peterborough.

It is a fairly small town, and I always felt that the people there were genuinely nice. Whenever I would go to the bathroom in one of the bars, all the girls in there would be like “OMG I loooove your necklace!”, “Where did you get your shirt?”, and “You are so beautiful tonight!”

And I would come out of the bathroom with about eight new best friends.

Unlike the bars in Toronto, where all you got was side eye and no new friends.

Anyway, on my birthday night, we all met up at Lisa’s house before the bar for pre-drinks, and my friend Joel brought me a birthday hat to wear. It was a huge hat, shaped like an oversized candle, and it said “Blow me, it’s my birthday.”

I loved it and thought it was hilarious, so obviously I wore it to the bar.

As in, blow out my candle. Get your minds out of the gutter you cheeky cats.

The hat was a huge hit. I have never seen another hat like it, before or since, and everyone was fawning over it. It was a conversation piece for sure.

The bar was packed, so the giant candle ended up being a useful tool in helping my friends find me. If they were ever unsure as to where I was, they told me later that all they had to do was look across the bar over the top of everyone’s heads, and there my hat would be, bobbing in the distance.

I could be spotted immediately. Very handy.

At one point, the girls and I were dancing in a group on a small stage, having a fab time being wild and crazy gals. And it’s possible we were being a bit obnoxious. We may have been bumping into people slightly (it was busy, you never know…)

And then out of nowhere, someone pushed me hard.

I wasn’t expecting it. I went flying off the stage, hat and all.

I landed on my bum, on the floor, in someone’s spilled drink. My butt was all wet, and my hat had fallen off and landed in a puddle of drink and was now all wet and dirty.

I was so embarrassed. Someone deliberately shoved me off the stage, and what the heck!? It was my birthday! How dare someone push me on my birthday? I had the hat on! Clearly I was cool and fun.

I looked up at the stage to see who had done it, and there she was. A girl who I didn’t know. She was standing there, arms crossed in front of her, staring at me, with a smug smile on her face.

She looked happy with herself. She looked proud of herself.

Everything stopped for me in that moment. Everything else in the bar was a blur. The cheesy dance music was muffled in my ears. All I saw was this girl who had just shoved me on my birthday, made my hat fall off and get all wet and dirty, embarrass me in front of my friends, and then look happy about it. And this was Peterborough. I loved Peterborough. Everyone was supposed to be nice.

I have never in my life been so angry.

Let me just say, it takes a lot to make me mad. I’m pretty easy going, and it is really difficult to get me actually angry (unless you are my parents, then it can happen instantly).

But this girl’s smug expression was too much. It drove me over the edge. I was absolutely enraged. How dare she? Who did she think she was? No no no.

I snatched my hat off the floor, shoved it back on my head, climbed back onto the stage, walked over to her, and just started yelling.

I was all “How could you push me?! It’s my birthday! I am wearing a hat! Do you see this hat? Do you have a hat? No, you DON’T have a hat. It is MY hat, because it’s MY birthday, and you do NOT push the birthday girl!”

My friends were at my side. My friend Lisa told me later that she was shocked at my reaction, and it was so hilarious to her because it was the first time she had ever seen me truly angry at someone.

The girl was not taking my yelling, and in typical girl fashion, she threw her drink in my face.

Which prompted two of my other friends to both throw their drinks on her at the same time.

It was just a big drink-throwing fest.

And then, the girl got kicked out.

And all was well again.

And the Blow Me It’s my Birthday hat lived on.




24 responses to “The ‘Blow Me’ Birthday Hat

  1. Hi Lindsey,
    Happy Belated Birthday! Love the cute Hat!
    I am sad that this girl had to ruin your birthday celebrations. This girl definitely has envy (she wants want you have and her needs are not met) and anger issues. This girl definitely reminds me of the comedy movie “Anger Management Move” staring Adam Sandler.

  2. Oh I miss Peterborough! I have fallen off the stage as well…not fun!
    Happy belated Lindz! miss ya!

  3. Happy Birthday again, Lindsey!! 😀

    What a B! Good for you for standing up to her, and so awesome that your friends dumped their drinks on her, too. haha. How could a person do that to someone…and then smile about it? Clearly she had her own issues. Hope she’s grown up since then 😛

  4. I’m so sorry to hear that you birthday got pooped on by some insecure girl. These stories make me sad, because women deal with enough crap without having to worry about each other.

    I’m proud though that you stood up for yourself 🙂


  5. Aww I loved the story! That girl definitely deserved to have those drinks thrown in her face. I’m turning 20 this Thursday (the 8th) and I hope no one throws a drink in my face!

  6. This story was hilarious!! I would have smacked the snatch!! What a mean girl. I hope she developed a case of ringworm later in life..too far? Happy birthday to you..and keep living like you’re 20!

  7. Ooh. Happy birthday. I cannot believe that girl was dumb enough to throw a drink in your face when all your friends were around. It is kind of shocking to run across a genuinely mean person like that, and I tend to be more like “run away from the psycho”…so it’s awesome that you gave her so much grief!

  8. Ugh. That must have been AWFUL. I’ve never gotten a drink thrown at me – or thrown my drink at anyone else – it sounds like something out of a movie! I’m glad that – despite snotty pushy drink-throwing smug girl – you still managed to have a good night.

  9. Happy Birthday! I love girls. They can be just so…nice. Something very similar happened to me at a bar. I was sitting down, watching a band with my friends, and this VERY drunk girl came up and told me to get out of her chair. It wasn’t her chair, no one was sitting there. I ignored her. Then she threw her drink on me! I was equally upset as you, though I didn’t have a birthday hat, so it was probably less unjust. I tossed my drink back at her before thinking about how very small I am. I expected my bigger, tougher friend, Mary to come to my rescue but unfortunately she was across the bar. This girl then pulled me off my chair by my hair and we began to slap, scratch and hair pull because that is all I know how to do to defend myself. The police were called and I had to call some of my friends from law school to come pick me up because they were home studying, which I should have been doing. Once I got in the car, I wept, because I had been attacked and I was embarrassed. And wet and sticky.

    • This is a terrible story! But also kind of good. This story absolutely trumps mine…though it is sad you didn’t have a birthday hat. I think slapping and hair pulling is also all I know how to do to defend myself.
      Girls can be such d-bags.

  10. You were waaaayyy nicer than I would have been. She would have definitely been pushed off the stage herself. But, I do like the double drink throw by your friends, so I guess that will have to do since my time machine isn’t working and I can’t beat that girl up for you.
    Oh, and you totes should have drawn her uglier. And maybe with a missing tooth.

  11. this gem is such a true “OH NO SHE DI-INT!” story.


  12. Agreed with Alyssa…Best Birthday memory story, especially with the comics. I also never get mad, so when I lose it, it’s for something special.

  13. Haha I love your stories. Happy belated birthday!!

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