Be Careful What You Google

Hello everyone, and welcome to Random Search Terms, Volume: I don’t even know…possibly 5?

There are few things in life I enjoy more than looking at my stats to see what people have googled to land on my blog. Because people are weird, as I’m sure you have all discovered, and weird people google weird things. Well that’s not really fair…everyone googles weird things (though not me anymore, since I started blogging and discovered that any website owner can see your search terms. Gotta watch out for that.)

Sometimes my google terms make sense. I understand if people search for Happy or Hungry and end up here. I get that. And I know how people find me through search engines is directly impacted by what I write about, so the weirder I am, the weirder search terms will lead here. But I’ve had some real gems lately, and I would love to share them with you.

I’ve done this before, so if you’ve missed my past random search terms post, you can find them here:

1. “Pictures of unicorns, tacos and rainbows”

Well according to Klout, I was influential about unicorns for a while (I noticed recently that unicorns have now been replaced with Minnesota Twins, which I am pretty sure I have never mentioned, but I am not going to complain about it), and I did draw a cat riding a unicorn into the sunset in my post about how I draw my cartoons…but I am not sure why the tacos and rainbows led someone here, as I’m pretty sure I don’t talk about either very frequently (although I do love both a good taco and a good rainbow).

Well here, I drew you a picture.

If you were searching for that, you’re welcome.

2. “Oh nana what’s my name voldemort”

First of all, you are missing some punctuation. And second, I am pretty sure Voldemort does not sing Rhianna songs and insert his own name into them. Although we do know he likes Taio Cruz…

(I didn’t create this, sadly)

3. “Beardo”

I can’t remember if I have mentioned this before, but “beardo” is probably one of my favourite words. Actually, Beardos are probably my favourite people.

If you are unsure as to what a Beardo is, here is a good example of one:

Beardo. Straight up.

4. “Gird your melon”

Gird your melon? No. Sorry. The correct phrase is gird your loins, and it basically means to secure your loins and prepare for battle.

I guess wearing a sports bra while running could be considered melon-girding, but I prefer loin girding, mainly because I really just like the word “loins”.

And if you are Harry Potter you can switch it up.

(Also not from my brain, unfortunately)

(That’s what I got when I googled “gird your loins”)

I am a big fan of saying gird your loins. It makes me laugh. I try to work it into conversation whenever possible. And I think you all should too.

5. “All the single kitties”

Well this is awkward… I don’t know how to tell you this, but my cats are not interested.

Sorry about that.

6. “Sexy camping”

I am not sure what’s going on with that, because as much as I love camping (and believe me I LOVE camping), when I go it is definitely not sexy. There is a lot of no showering for days and generally being dirty and smelling like campfires and bug spray. Unsexy, very unsexy.

And this year while camping I slipped and full-out fell in a mud puddle.

Not the sexiest.

I did find quite a sexy West Nile Virus protector this year in a camping store though…

I almost bought it just for that sexy man (who is also a bit of a Beardo…and possibly a caveman).

7. “bathroom mirror pics”

I win. Absolutely. You will never take a bathroom mirror picture better than this one, sorry.

It is not every day you can convince someone’s grandma to flip the bird to the mirror.

8. “how to be swag”

Oh. Well. You came to the right place, because I was taught by a pretty swag 13-year-old.

That is clearly the correct swag posture. Do that and you will be totally swag and will not look like a tool at all.

9. “Glasses party”

Again, right place!

Well glasses wedding, glasses party, same thing.

And my personal favourite search term this week:

10. “Sometimes I like to sit in the corner of my room and pretend I’m a carrot”

I don’t even know what to say to this. Whoever googled this is awesome. You can visit my blog any time. Please leave comments about your adventures whilst pretending to be a carrot, because truly I would love to hear all about it.

Oh, and lastly, my boss will be happy to know that if you google image “alligator arms”, his picture from this post is still the first one to pop up.

He likes it.

Be careful out there, you cheeky Googlers!

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26 responses to “Be Careful What You Google

  1. Love Love Love everything about this post. I in fact love all posts everyone does about weird search terms b/c they are just so amusing. I haven’t gotten around to doing one yet, but one of my strangest terms so far was “ryan gosling peeing” gross people!!

    • I check my terms every day, because I know, I just KNOW, it will make me laugh.
      And yeah. That’s weird about Ryan Gosling. There are many, many things I would like to see Ryan Gosling doing, and peeing is not one of them.

  2. I really hope that carrot person starts commenting because I have to know what the story is there.

  3. char eats GREENS

    That was awesome!! Oh the things people google crack me up!!! Who doesn’t pretend that they’re a carrot the odd time?! hahaha

  4. hahahaha. where do people come up with this stuff

  5. LOL!! The picture of Voldemort made me laugh so hard. The single kitties, swag, and bathroom mirror pics are pretty awesome, too. And I definitely plan to incorporate “gird your loins” into my every day language.

    I’ve had some pretty funny Google searches lately, and they made me think of you. My favourite? This one:

    “I want to suck my Asian girlfriend’s toes.”

    I’m pretty sure I have never condoned toe-sucking within any culture. Haha.

    • I just want to sing to Beyonce “All the single kitties, all the single kitties…” (like single ladies) haha.
      Oh please do. Gird your loins always catches people off guard.

      I can’t even write about the biggest search term that is leading people here…it’s too dirty and I don’t know why it is happening. It starts with an F and rhymes with misting. And yes, the toe thing is weird, haha.

  6. I am just going to take credit for that carrot search. You are welcome. (Fine, I didn’t search it, but I still want to take credit.) Last week I had repeated searches phrased in different ways basically asking what the prison time was for embellishment. 1) I think you mean “embezzlement”, Google Searcher 2) If not, I don’t remember covering embellishment defense in law school, so I may need a good lawyer.

  7. I am seriously in love with every aspect of this post!! Gosh I needed to read this today, thank you for sharing Lindsey 😀

  8. MINNESOTA TWINS YESSSS!!!…. as much as I love them though (well, love/hate at the moment) I have no idea how they relate to your blog. My favorite part about search terms is seeing the ones that yeah, I understand how that term would get you to my blog, but I also realize how disappointed they probably were when they found my blog totally unhelpful…

  9. Beardo is actually a singer. And a bad one at that. He opened for Ke$ha when I saw her. Then starting hitting on some teens in the audience after the show. Maybe one of those teens was trying to find him?

  10. Ha! Love these. People are always finding my blog by searching for Ninja Juice – I blogged once about making juice in a Ninja blender 🙂

  11. Wow, I laughed so hard at the alligator arms one that I was gasping for breath! This is hilarious. People find mine a lot through boring things, like searching for protein shakes and being stressed out about money.

    What program do you use to write the wording on your pictures?

  12. Pingback: Float Your Fanny Down the Ganny (and also a bit of my Nanny) | Happy or Hungry

  13. lovelifeproject

    Bahahahaha @ pretending to be a carrot and @ sexy camping. You get THE BEST search terms. Nobody comes to my blog via search terms anymore…and I really do miss it!

  14. Sexy camping. Guilty. Little unrealistic, sure, but not the worst brain food to snack on.

  15. Pingback: Some random search terms for ya | Happy or Hungry

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