The Donkey and the Phone Number

Since it is Valentine’s Day, I wanted to do an illustrated story for you guys to show you how much I love you and appreciate you following along with my antics.

So I started thinking about what I could draw, and what my most memorable Valentine’s Day is. And I don’t really have one. I seriously cannot remember any of my Valentine’s Days, and I think it is because it’s not really a big deal and I just like Valentine’s Day for the chocolate. Also, I thought of this last minute and I don’t really have time to draw anything elaborate.

But I do have a lot of stories. So here is a beautiful love story (or probably crush story would be more accurate).

When I was in Grade 9, I used to go to this bowling alley all the time with my childhood friend Amanda. Her mom and brother played in a league there, and since we lived in the middle of nowhere and had nothing else to do, we would join them on the nights they would play and just hang out, acting cool. This particular bowling alley had a huge arcade, and you could win tickets that you could then cash in for prizes.

The prizes were of course nothing spectacular, unless you saved your tickets up for ages and ages, which I never did because I am impatient. But the particular prize that I was after was the guy who worked behind the counter.

I thought he was just ridiculously dreamy and I had been keeping my eye on that prize for months. He looked like James Van der Beek (he didn’t the last time I saw him, puberty hit him hard), and he was my dream. Whenever I was at the bowling alley I would frantically play games so that I would win tickets so I could go to the prize counter and have an excuse to talk to him. I would order coke upon coke and a ridiculous amount of poutines so that I could walk by his counter to the food area and maybe he would notice me.

It did not work. I don’t think he ever said anything to me besides “Hey. What do you want?” as he gestured to all the prize bins.

And I was extremely shy around boys and could barely make eye contact, let alone strike up any sort of interesting conversation.

But one day, after a few months of this, my friends and I were all at the bowling alley for Rock n’ Bowl, and I felt brave. I had my pals as backup (sometimes I am fueled to do crazier things than I normally would if my friends are with me, even now). Clearly James Van Der Beek was not going to take the initiative and ask me for my number, so I was going to have to take matters into my own hands. I decided that I needed a creative way to get his attention.

So I won a bunch of tickets from the games room, strolled on up to his counter, looked him straight in the eye, and presented him with my winnings. And then I pointed to a bin full of plastic farm animals and I said




And then I felt shy and I broke my eye contact and looked away all embarrassed. I prepared myself to run away.



SUCCESS! He wrote down his number for me, and he seemed excited about it.

And this story really goes nowhere because I did not know proper phone etiquette at that time, and called him a little bit too often. Like repeatedly if no one answered the phone. This was before cell phones of course, so it was his home number and one time when he finally did answer he told me that his parents told him to tell me to stop calling so much. I did not have call display yet, so I didn’t understand how he knew it was me, but I was still too embarrassed to call back after that.

And then MSN happened and we somehow reconnected just as I was graduating high school and we went out once and he didn’t look like James Van Der Beek anymore and I realized his personality wasn’t that great anyway.

Sometimes my friends still say to me “Hi. I’ll take that donkey and maybe your phone number,” as a joke. It makes me laugh.

So the point of this story is, if you are without a lover this Valentine’s Day and you have a crush, make the first move! It works! You ask for that donkey and that phone number!

And with that…


Hopefully that will be me today.


15 responses to “The Donkey and the Phone Number

  1. LOL That is such a sly pickup line – you had all the moves! It’s hilarious to look back at who the hottest of the hotties were in grade 9…

    My parents still don’t have Caller ID so I know where you’re coming from with not understanding the concept… Happy Valentine’s Day!

  2. brilliant!! this story made my day. I was a teller at a bank once and I wrote my phone number on the back of this cute customers receipt one time. BOLD. He did call me though! LOL. 😉

  3. Best Valentine Ever. (As in this post.)

  4. This made me happy. It was VERY smooth. I had NO pickup lines at that age. Mostly I just stood there and sent psychic brainwaves to the fellas and wondered why they weren’t asking me out. APPARENTLY, they weren’t PSYCHIC. Dammit.

  5. SNORT, I love James Van Der Beek’s head photoshopped onto the drawing of the guy. Amazing!

    I’m also super-impressed by the boldness of your 14 year old self. I still don’t know if I’m that bold!… though I have been on the receiving end many a time when I was an Earls Girl… a customer once came back with an envelope with “A Tip for Erin” on it. It was not a tip. It was a love letter and there was no money involved at all and I was sadly disappointed. Don’t promise a girl money and then just deliver smiley faces!

  6. my go to pick up line is: Hi my name is Justin, get naked. WORKS 60% of the time every time.

  7. I was way too shy at 14 to even consider what you did! Props to you! 🙂 And, nice you saw him again and did not have to wonder. Heh.

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